Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
