U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
