I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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