Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Randomize
