I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
