Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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