I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
