i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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