Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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