...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
