how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
