Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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