WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
