Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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