Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
