I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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