So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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