If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
