my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
