eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i will never coherently bang her
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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