btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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