I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
