I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
