How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
