yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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