he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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