Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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