Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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