I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
