absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
