is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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