1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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