you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
