Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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