I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
