SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
