Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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