I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
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How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.