Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
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Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
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The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke