if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame