Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
