she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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