is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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