Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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