I never want to see another naked old woman again.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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