update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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