I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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