I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
