we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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