My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
