it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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