I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
