She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just tell him i said nine months
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
