the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
