You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
