This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
