did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You pole danced in your parka.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
