Will you blow on my dice?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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