i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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