We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
