He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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