just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
