Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
