Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
