Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
