These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
