Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
