How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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