i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
