You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
