PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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