doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
