I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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