wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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