Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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